Can you rate this please? Its the beginning of my story.?

“How long must I wait here? I shouldn’t have lost that game of Razoi, otherwise I would’ve been in my home eating a hearty meal”, said the man to himself. He was a young man, probably in his late 20’s. His jet black hair fell over his face hiding most of its details. He had an oval face, with a broad jaw, and his beard was in an overgrown state and unevenly shaved, as if done with a knife. He checked in his pocket to make sure the blade was in there. The blade was given to him by his father, and it was used to kill many men. A sword also hung by his side, but he dare not take it out here.

He was sitting in the waiting room, outside the king’s palace. The king was in an important meeting; at least that is what the guard has told him. He knew what type of man this king was. One wrong statement, and he may never see his wife and son again.

After a long, drawn-out, amount of time, the guard said, “The king is ready to see you now, Sir”, the man got up from the chair he was sitting on, and followed the guard. They walked through many corridors, and passed many rooms. After about 5 minutes of walking, the guard stopped outside a big door. The man looked out through the window, and the sun was just setting. “I have been waiting for almost 3 hours”, he thought to himself, “I better get back home quickly”. The man took a deep breath, pushed open the big, wooden door, and he entered the room. The room inside was a breathtaking sight. The ceiling was made with intricate woodwork, while the walls had complex carvings and beautiful sculptures, which could’ve cost over millions of Kohrs. In addition, they had big flame torches, lighting the room with an eerie glow. The floor had a shiny layer of marble, the marble that can only be found deep within the Shoanic Mountains.

But that was just the beginning. Around the room, huge bookcases standing 10-15 feet tall had books and scrolls of great assortment: Books from the beginning of the kingdom, the acclaimed scholars throughout the land. He turned to his right, and saw a long, cherry-colored wooden table, that was almost 20 feet in length. ??

“It was made for me, by the best carpenters in all of Arazi.” Hearing the voice, the man’s hand went instinctively to his trouser’s pocket, and gripped the short blade. He turned around, and saw the king standing there, his eyes gleaming in the light of the fire. %26lt;Enter description of king%26gt;.

“So, why have you come here?” asked the king, with a tone of excitement.

“Your majesty, we have an idea where it might be hidden”, said the man nervously, his hand still in his pocket.

“Where?” the king asked.

“Hidden in the Plains of Gremyi, far past the villages in the Vox, your majesty.”

The king remained silent, deep in thought.

“So close, so close”, he muttered to himself. The king turned around and started pacing the room absentmindedly. He seemed to forget that the man was standing right there; horror-struck, frightened about what might happen next. The king was one of the most infamous rulers ever to take the throne. After declaring himself as the lord of Arazi, he frightened most of the villagers by his past actions. It was said that he himself was the one who had brutally murdered the royal family 50 years ago, and burnt the kingdom’s capital down to ashes. Then, he named himself king, and destroyed anyone who came in his path.

At this point, the king walked toward a bookcase, and pulled out a really old book, one that was worn out and had half the pages falling out. He took it, and walked away. The man cautiously followed him, and saw him entering a small chamber, on the other side of the vast courtyard. The man followed him out of curiosity, but carefully. Through a hole in the castle, he saw the chamber, but now, it looked more like a place of worship. It had a low stone ceiling, with nothing but 4 cases, set in the middle of the room. The king bent over a case that was black in color. When the man looked more closely, he saw that the case was made with obsidian rock, which was so rare that you can’t find it anywhere now. The king murmured a few words, in a language and took out a smooth, jet black stone. He sat there for a while, murmuring to himself. He then put the rock back, and was on his way out. The man panicked, because he was sure that he would be killed if he was found out. He ran back to the library, and he sat down at the table, pretending to read a book that was lying on top of it.

The king came back after a minute or so, and set the book back in its proper allocation in the shelf. “Your majesty, what do you plan to do?” asked the man. The king remained silent. And then, in a swift, fluid motion, he brought a short, broad blade from inside his robes, and stabbed it right between the man’s eyes. The man immediately dropped dead onto the floor, and there was a loud echo as the king laughed menacingly, “Do not think I didn’t see you there!”Can you rate this please? Its the beginning of my story.?
Hey :) I really liked it! Your writing is pretty solid, and I definitely wanted to read on. The only issues I found were when you used numbers instead of writing them out (two instead of 2) which you wouldn't usually do in a novel, and once or twice you used modern language like 'could've' in your descriptions which takes you out of the era you're going for. But these are totally minor issues in an otherwise excellent intro :) be proud!
Not bad, not bad at all. This sounds like a good story line. Not my chosen genre, but definately something others in my family like.Can you rate this please? Its the beginning of my story.?
I don't normally like these weird old styled things that start off with a confusing beginning. But I really liked it. I would really like to read more to find out more things. Woo. Go you! (:
I really like it i would give it about a 6 maybe 7Can you rate this please? Its the beginning of my story.?
The king was in an important meeting; at least that is what the guard has told him. %26lt;- I think it would be had, not has, in this sentence.



Besides that, it's really good!