What do you think of this writing?

the name of this book series is called the Huntsermen games or huntsermen tails. and is from book 1 in a series of 5



"i will not have you mingle with people outside a royal institution, Kelispa." said King Lindon to his daughter. "

"what make's you think i'm going to mingle with him, father?" asks Kelispa confused. "the look on you're face when you waved and blew a kiss to him, after you psesented the prize to him." said her father.

"ugh... father it was just a friendly gester, it does not mean i'm going to mingle with him." said kelispa getting fustrated.

"you know our rules... began Lindon. you are going to merry a forgain prince, before you take the throne. says her father. "have you ever once thought that maybe i don't to merry a forgain prince, father?'' says kelispa angerly. "than... you have no buissness govering this countery. i'm affrid" says lindon sighing.

kelispa gasps and says... " father how could you say that!? i can goveren this country even if i don't merry a prince." says kelispa now crying. and she stroms out of her fathers, office slamming the door behind her. while her father just sits at his desk with his hands folded. and not looking like he cares.

CHAPTER FIVE: HONOR THY WINNER.

IT was early evening when Morlin and his father retuerned home to his town in the st. Quartain mountains, 20 miles west outside of Hillmath. all the townsfolk lined the main road. cheering. and applauding him. "make way for Morlin Dawnthe... winner of the swordsman tournament!" says an announcer walking in front of morlin and his father.

they road into the town square where Morlin saw his mother, Demeter. and his 2 younger brothers. Aaveris. and Aaron waiting for him. along with the Lord, lady. and the 2 chief Barons of the territory.

Morlin got off his horse and went over to his mother, who flung her arms over him. " oh.. morlin you won... i so proud of you!" says Demeter happley. "thank you mother" says morlin smiling. aaveris and aaron come up to him " congratulations. morlin" says aaveris patting morlins right shoulder. "i can't beleave you won morlin!" says aaron. "heh hemm... mr. Dawnthe?" says lord Willmer ThagnorWhat do you think of this writing?
You need to throw that into a spell checker and add some capital letters, in fact it would be best if you redid the first three grades so that you can learn how to write in a manner in which people can read your work. I didn't even get halfway through that, so I can't give you a very accurate reading on your skill as a writer or whether or not I would read your story.What do you think of this writing?
Well....... It's sort of hazy.And mum.. how r the 2 parts related?

I would suggest you to make it a little more clear. Yet, nice try.What do you think of this writing?
It looks messy. Sorry, I don't like it.
:P ugh its icky. remember when a writer says your writing is bad, were not sayint your story because your story sounds fine. its the way you write it. grammer and if i read one more "said" or "says" im going to make them all shut up! those words are forbidden from you from now on! FORBIDDEN! NEVER USE THEM AGAIN!!!!! i can see it. you're trying to write in a very fancy way but its just messy and i can't understand it. you state their emotions, no no. that's not good to do often you have to tell us the emotion through their actions and speech and how they view things. you need more practice beginner! now go! be better writer and no forbidden words!